“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Photo Credit: Alexander Legaree
History is made by those who refuse to follow the status quo.
Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of a bus, single handedly halting the tide of segregation. Mahatma Gandhi won Indian independence from Britain through nonviolent protest. 24-year-old Mordechai Anielewicz led the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, holding back the inevitable Nazi deportation of the Jews of Warsaw for nearly a month.
In a world full of copycats, it feels as if it takes the courage of Rosa Parks, Mahatma Gandhi and Mordechai Anielewicz to be yourself.
It didn’t start out that way. When you were born, you only knew how to be yourself. You knew nothing different. You are what you wanted to eat, you laughed at what you thought was funny, you danced as if no one was watching.
And then one day, you realized people were watching. And judging. And declaring that you weren’t as good a dancer as you thought. And that you should be the person in the choir who just mouths the words, leaving the singing to those who could sing in key.
And you made these declarations mean something.
Slowly and deliberately, you let others’ opinions of you become your own and their negative judgments become the land mines around which you unconsciously navigate your life.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Here are six steps to becoming who you are, rather than a facsimile of everyone else.
1. Decide and choose to be yourself
The first step in being who you are is making the conscious decision to do so. The continual chatter of thoughts circulating through your conscious and subconscious mind do not originate from you. They are the result of hundreds of thousands of hours of inauthentic mirroring, projecting, and people reflecting back to you their impression of you.
The thing is, the way people see you is not you, but a reflection of the lens through which they view the world. It’s a reflection of who they are, not who you are. Still, with a lifetime of this mirroring, know that being who you are will take time and a whole lot of self-compassion. When you hear your thoughts beating up on you, love yourself all the more.
Be good to yourself. Be patient. Be kind. And then consciously choose to be yourself, unapologetically.
2. Spend time with yourself
One of the best ways to reconnect with yourself is by scheduling time to yourself to do something you enjoy. Author Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way refers to this as an “Artist Date.” Here are 101 sample artist’s dates.
When’s the last time you spent time with yourself with no other agenda, no work, no intended outcome other than to be with yourself?
3. Say “no”
Chances are you’ve gotten used to saying “yes” to people and commitments that you would have rather had the courage to say “no” to. Well, now’s the time. When you are invited to do something you don’t want to do, honor your desires by saying “no” kindly, but decisively. Saying “no” may not feel right, especially if you’ve devoted a lifetime saying to saying “yes” when you meant “no.” Do it anyway. Be courageous. Say “no.”
4. Say “yes”
The more adept you get at saying “no,” the better you will get at saying “yes” to the people and situations you truly want. You will re-engage with your intuition when it knows you are ready to listen to and act on it. Listen to yourself, and do what you want.
Start small.
Again, it may be as simple as scheduling an artist’s date with yourself. After the initial discomfort of rearranging your schedule and commitments to make time for yourself, you’ll soon discover how glorious it is.
Saying “yes” also means saying what you mean. The first of Don Miguel Ruiz’s “Four Agreements” is to be impeccable with your word. When you decide to let your words carry weight again, when you stand behind every word you utter, your faith in yourself will re-emerge.
Once you get a taste of honoring your word and yourself, you may never go back. That’s a good thing.
5. Be vulnerable (and authentic)
Let’s face it. If you’re like 99.9% of the population, you’re not going to become the next reality TV star. So stop trying to live a life like theirs, or like anyone else’s social media highlight reel.
Yes, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating yourself and loved ones on social media, but be vulnerable too. By documenting the real you with all your perfect imperfections, you will give others permission to be themselves too.
Being vulnerable and authentic also means being truthful.
Think of it this way. Do you really want the younger ones in your life (whether they are directly or indirectly in your life) taking the social media highlight reel of your life and translating that into what they will make it mean for themselves?
Like I share in my TED talk, “I post truth online” and one of the reasons I do so is because I’m conscious of how easy it is to cause damage to someone’s confidence and their overall well-being. When you share who you are, others can see themselves in you. And that’s a great thing!
6. Celebrate yourself
At least once a day, find a reason to celebrate yourself. Some days you’ll celebrate yourself for saying “no,” some days for saying “yes,” and some days for simply managing to get yourself out of bed in the morning.
If you’re stuck for ideas on how or what to celebrate, checkout the #iCELEBRATE Matrix. I know you’ll find something that is celebration-worthy among the nearly unlimited number of combinations possible in the matrix.
If it were meant to be easy, each of us would be living fully and authentically who we are. Unfortunately, some time in our formative years we had to choose between being who we were and receiving love.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, belonging, being accepted and receiving love are the most basic psychological needs just above our basic needs for food and shelter. No wonder as children we chose love.
As adults however, it’s no longer an either-or choice. We know intellectually that true love is unconditional. Being who we are does not turn off the love faucet. On the contrary, it allows us to fully receive the love that comes our way.
Still, the child in each of us will do anything for love. Be patient with them. Show him compassion. And help her cultivate the courage, in this world full of copycats, to be herself, unapologetically.
Davide Di Giorgio is the number one international best-selling author of Being UNapologetic, a keynote and TEDx speaker, youth advocate, Comparanoia™ expert, and a speaking and confidence consultant for students, teachers, parents, influencers and celebrities. His philanthropic endeavor, Project Being UNapologetic dares to tackle bullying and build confidence and self-esteem while funding dream projects for high school performing arts students. He is currently on a Global Wellness Celebration Tour spreading a message to Compare Less, Celebrate More!
To book Davide Di Giorgio for speaking, interviews, appearances, or consulting, contact him HERE